During meditation while listening to the Lalitha Ashtotram (by Craig Pruess and Ananda), I became aware that I was in the Presence of the Divine Mother, She was, in fact, in front of me. Then, I realized that in front of me were MahaKali, MahaLaxsmi, and MahaSaraswati. Almost immediately, I could see that we were sitting on a gold floor and we were surrounded by large columns that were encrusted with precious gem stones. I noticed at first, that there were more Divine Mothers present, and they were sitting in front of me in a half-moon. Then, I became aware that I was actually surrounded by Divine Mothers ~ in truth, 108 manifestations of the Divine Mother. They were in a circle and I was in the middle of them. Outside of Their circle was a ring of Violet Fire. I was connected to each of them, Heart-to-Heart, by a golden beam of Light. As I looked up, I could see that the Place we were in was very much like a Mosque, except that it seemed to have no ceiling to it. The columns went up as far as one could imagine, and coming down from above was a bright White Light that entered through the top of my head, went down my spine, and out my root chakra. As I looked below me, I could see the White Light extend from my root chakra down to the Earth, surrounding Her in a beautiful Light grid. At this point, I noticed that I was wearing clothes made of emerald green silk with gold stitching. My blonde hair was very long, and there was a piece of gold jewelry around my forehead with a sort of diamond shaped gold medallion resting on my forehead. There were gold band rings on each of my toes, and rings on my fingers – not on my thumbs. The rings on my fingers starting from my pinky fingers were gold bands with a large ruby, the ring fingers had gold bands with a large emerald, the middle fingers had a gold band with a large sapphire, and the pointer fingers had gold bands with large diamonds. The size of the stones increased from the smallest being the rubies to the largest being the diamonds. I found that I was now sitting in the middle of a large Lotus. The Lotus was turning counter-clockwise so that I could see each of the Divine Mothers, and as I turned, my connection to each of them through the gold beam of Light remained intact. Then, I saw that the White Light from above was now streaming down through each of the Divine Mothers, just as it was still doing through me, and the Light that was going through Their Root Chakras was also enveloping the Earth. Next, all of the Divine Mothers were now also sitting in the middle of a large Lotus. As I continued to turn counter-clockwise, They were all turning clockwise. When this began, white and pink rose petals began to “rain” down on us. Suddenly, I was aware that Sai Baba and Babaji were present. As I noticed them, I realized that actually Shirdi Sai Baba, Sathya Sai Baba, Prema Sai Baba, Babaji and Muktananda were all present. They each had long black hair down to Their waists and Their hair was all in dreadlocks. The ring of Violet Flame that had been around all 108 Divine Mothers now enclosed around me and engulfed me. As the Violet Flame was “burning” me, all my Babas were dancing around me in the same clockwise manner as the Divine Mothers were still turning on Their Lotuses. In my Heart center, was a large ruby with a flame inside of it. As the Violet Flame became more and more intense, the ruby became brighter and brighter in color, and the flame inside of the ruby became brighter and brighter. I stood up inside the Violet Flame and began to dance. Now, all of the 108 Divine Mothers began dancing too, and all of my Babas were still dancing around me. Suddenly, because of the intensity of the flame within the ruby, the ruby shattered into pieces. As the shattered pieces flew out, a piece of the ruby was embedded into the Heart of all my Babas and all of the 108 Divine Mothers. Then, the flame that had been within the ruby turned into the Sun. My Heart Chakra was now the Sun. The Sun expanded, larger and larger, engulfing all of my Babas and all of the 108 Divine Mothers. We were all within the expansive Sun together, One with it and each other, and still separate in consciousness. At this point my body began to expand. It expanded so large that it engulfed the Sun, which remained in my Heart Chakra, and all of my Babas and all of the 108 Divine Mothers were dancing within my body. White light was pouring out from the tips of my fingers and toes. My eyes were now the Fire. Within me, I could feel growing from the base of my spine (actually in the yoni area) a LARGE Shivalingam. As the Shivalingam grew up inside of me, it consumed every space inside of me, and I even felt a little like my throat was “choking.” Instantaneously, my outer body dissolved into ash and fell to the base of the Shivalingam. The Shivalingam was now glowing like a hot ember. Then, out of the pile of ash that lay at the bottom of the glowing Shivalingam, my body began to emerge again. As my body emerged from the ash, it was once again enveloping the Shivalingam so that it was inside of my body. I realized that my body was now very different. I no longer had white skin. My skin was pitch black. My hair was no longer blonde. It was now also pitch black and it was in dreadlocks down to my waist. My eyes were no longer Fire. They were a deep blue almost black color. At this point, I came out of the meditation and my body slumped over. It was very very weak, and I could not will it to move. I laid there in a daze as I listened to the end of the Lalitha Ashtotram. When the Lalitha Ashtotram completed, it took a bit more time before I had the strength to sit up. After I was able to sit up, I still felt very weak and the top of my head was vibrating. As soon as I was able, I sat down to recall my experience and document it.
Did this really happen to me? Is this a true experience or is my mind in delusion? I feel it must be true because I feel no separation and I only have the desire to hear “Om Namah Shivaya.” It must be true. How else can I explain the experience of my physical body?
I am reminded that when my niece began to speak, her first word, before Mama or Dada, was Kika. My sister and I thought she was trying to say my son’s name, Caleb. One day when my son and I were visiting my sister, my niece was crying out, “Kika, Kika, Kika.” We thought she was trying to get my son’s attention. I turned to him and said, “Caleb, would you please answer her.” My niece then responded, “Not Caleb. Eileen!!!” That was the moment my sister and I realized that all this time my niece had been asking for ME. Ever since then, for the past 18 years, I have been known as Kika in my family, and all children call me Kika. I knew in the moment that my niece revealed that she was asking for me, that this name “Kika” was a name she had brought in from Spirit. The name always felt incomplete to me, as if it was “baby-talk” for another name. Now, I am feeling very aligned with the Spiritual name Kalika. After what I have experienced today, I believe that is the name that my niece was trying to say, and how auspicious that it was her first word. Also, how interesting that 18 years later, I should have this experience.